chias

2005-10-05T10:22:00.000+08:00

sorry lor. since ario's doing so well in her life, i shouldn't be so selfish as to pull her down right. she can choose to care or don't care for me anymore, but if she chooses not to, it's alright. i'll just be there for her even if we broke it. i think im so shitty. i dont want to go back to God just because all the people around me are doing so. i feel like such a cheater, heartbreaker. honestly, i'm feeling quite lost in life now. i dont know what im doing everyday. okay, maybe studying. after exams? how? play? find my own pool of friends and play? damn, i know im missing smth.
but i don't care. i don't even see that anyone's trying to know whats wrong. okay maybe some people tried but i shut out myself. i feel so wrong. i know im bringing it upon myself but say, my heart is hardened. im not going to be another emotional girl, am i? i don't want to be like those people, throw you aside when they ain't feeling good, then when they are, they'll start crapping with you again. like. wth. i'm having difficulty loving people too, i guess. yesterday my mood was so bad i even became the one who chased yixiang offline. i felt bad lah, very bad in fact. but, sorry man. he doesnt need to care abt me, he came online to talk to shern. ha. yes, jealous? i can't help it. i'm feeling damndamndamndamndamn shitty now. UGH.

i don't want anyone else to care. i just want you to care. shern. you might not know, but you have quite taken the place of somebody impt in my life. if you're gonna treat me like how you treated ruth last time, i've got nothing much to say. since things are so bad already, i shall be quite optimistic and say that they can't get any worser. yixiang. i don't know what you're thinking and i don't know what i'm thinking. i guess, you won't ever know. i just want to be there for you when nobody else cares. yuqian. im sorry but i still feel weird around you. i can't forget the "dont say thankyou when your heart don't go with the words" if you had wanted to type that, do it more discretely next time cos it was just time that i saw your blog right before you deleted that post. you never know who reads your blog at what time. even though you were feeling bad then, you shouldn't have did this because in my heart, i know you care, in my heart, i know you still love me. but that statement totally blew me off, till today i can't find my way back. joy. i don't know why, but i feel that you seem to not too bothered with me. i think that's pretty okay, go and focus more on potential people you can grow. its useless trying to figure out what this idiot needs and wants. ah gor. sorry if i ever let you down.

God, you know what's happening don't you. in fact, i miss you now. i miss my life with you. i'm getting very tired of whats happening. i know im not supposed to have any doubts but.. i can't help. it's been for so long already. will you welcome me if i choose to run back to you? i guess, i will choose that way, but for now.. maybe not. i'm not living my life with the devil, i'm living my life getting attacked by the devil everyday. it feels terrible.

and when i know what shern will do, like. ignore the person so as to reduce dependance. i feel even more terrible that my pillar is gonna be moved away. i'm gonna fall like nobody's business. so if you say i totally have no feelings or emotions anymore, you're wrong. if you say i'm alreading becoming more i-dont-care, you're wrong. because certain things in life, i still care, just that i never show it. im good at hiding.

2005-09-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

im craving for food.
YIKES.
no particular kind of food, just, anything to eat 0.0

oh well im pretty burnt and painful now. my skin laaaaaaa..why cannot tan one?? =/

thinking and thinking, AND thinking and thinking... im enjoying life right now(:

got a movie date with my parents. NOW. x) cya.

2005-09-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

surfing around and caught this on sharlyn's best friend's blog haha.

"Jesus' love does not depend upon what we do for Him. Not at all. In the eyes of the King, you have value simply because you are. you dont have to look nice or perform well. Your value's inborn...think about it. you are valuable just beacuse you exsit...the next time someone tries to pass you off as a cheap buy, just think about the way Jesus honours you...and smile. I do. I smile becasue i know i dont deserve love like that. none of us do... all of us are signing on Jesus' credit card, not ours. And it also makes me smile to know that there is an ex-con walking the golden streets who knows more about grace than a thousand theologians. No one else would have given him a prayer. But in the end, that is all that he had. and in the end, that is all that it took.
No wonder they call Him the Saviour."

-Max Lucado's 'No wonder they call Him the Saviour'

hmm. bryan called me to tell me something just now. maybe a revelation, but why dont i feel anything? has this heart turned cold and calloused? :/

then, september today. 1 year ago, i will never forget. what i told you and what you told me and what happened after that, that caused me so much misery. hur.

even smiling requires some effort now.

2005-09-06T23:05:00.000+08:00

if you're stuck on something, you can't dance.
because. to dance is freedom.

caught Innocent Steps today. that show is pretty! the dance is classic man. the ladies gotta dance and turn and jump with heels OMG. prettypretty!! ><

anyway i teared during the show lah so malu. but it was okay because the girl beside me(guess who) was tearing too haha! chong was.. pretty normal. lol. well, what do you expect a guy seated right in the middle of a row of girls to do man?
been thinking about ballroom dancing. okay now the show's making me more crazy. shern, if you wanna learn, please find your partner cos your brother is taken. by me. LOL.

tuition was great today, without freddy and benny HAHA. no la they give a touch of gayness to the atmosphere thats all x)

yawns im tired. tomorrow im going tanning(: YAY.

2005-09-06T00:30:00.000+08:00

ARGH.

yeah. my blog sounds like the blog of the person who's gonna kill herself in 3days.

no, i think less than 3 days.

2005-09-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

if friendship is so fragile, might as well not start it.
damn you people, why can't friends just take a step back and tear away your pride. if each of you just gave in abit and not be so proud about it. CMON LAH you need two hands to clap if you want a friendship to work okay?
and if you're shutting yourself up and taking everything in your stride, good luck and please get a life. sacarsm never works. and if you wanna see yourself rotting away, there's nothing we can do.
if saying "i love you" this 3 simple words can cover up everything, go and bang the wall. i can say that to everyone and anyone too. where are your actions?

tmd. im feeling so super pissed super fedup now. and i cant upload photos. great. even the website's turning on me. GOOD LAH.

ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2005-09-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

life's like that(:

no lifer. thanks to the weather sentosa was a miss today. actually, we played 1hour of beach volley before we ran away from thunder and lightning :/ so my sunday, was spent, like that. NO MORE RAINS NEXT SUNDAY, PLEASE!

my week is going to be filled with studying, and more studying! yesyes. play hard, mug hard. more visits to mos burger of course -takes a long loving look at my wallet-

i want and i desire that mikasa pink/white volleyball! it's kind of classic and sweet :D:D kind souls? i think it'll blast that beach volleyball we got from islandlife today. im still trying to figure out what kind of volleyball we can play with that. crap.

cant wait for tomorrow(: NO BRYAN ITS NOT YOU, its my class bbq. hahah.

2005-09-04T01:36:00.000+08:00

screwed up.

allow my disappearance.

everything that im hearing is making me feel worst and worst. LALA.

2005-09-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

shitstuff.
1. im feeling darn lousy now.
like the whole world's against me.
im so not gonna ask around next time. it shall be just you and me.

2. the rest of the things that happened today.

maybe i should just dont care and dont bother huh. the world's sick. im feeling more and more anti-social everyday hur. maybe i should just disappear la huh insignificant being.

superficial beings. no compassion. no love. no care. no concern. i feel so away from everyone all of a sudden.

im no longer looking forward to tomorrows.

a few msgs for people:
jiayou for tomorrow.
takecare of your fever.
tomorrow will be a better day.

nights(:

2005-09-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

i've been blogging alot. seriously ALOT. maybe because my thoughts come in bits and pieces and fragments :/ maybe i should at once type out and thats it.

whats wrong? i should really ask whats wrong. you think i have an easy life like that? no. my heart pains everytime we get all silent when we see each other. that wasnt how things used to be aint it? when did things start to take such a drastic change i dont know. i dont have the courage to ask you. it's just different. i miss the days we spent hell loads of fun together. i've been taking out all those stuffs every night and looking at them (call me sick whatever). you mean alot to me. i just get this uneasiness when i see you and we dont talk! 6 months aint long, but it aint short either. shern's right. maybe i ought to let go. =/ cries.

thats enough. no more mood for others. (HA. yes. others. or just maybe, the other you and the other other you.)

2005-09-02T20:39:00.000+08:00

the rain's falling but i can't feel it.

never dance without dance shoes especially at the audi stage. my soles are threatening to swell up with big fat painful blisters. ouch. but dance was good today. okay, every practice is good :D

life's good. pizza parties by 3modesty are so rockingly cool. we ordered 10 canadian pizzas today after school, for some really offcial purpose actually. but in the end the food ended up purely for our own enjoyment. delicious. oh and this is by far the 2nd or 3rd time we're ordering pizzas. no thank you very much 3modesty is not that rich but we've got cash sources hehe.

good food. dinner with xin and cali. its been alongtime since the 3ofus hung out(:

heartache... you still mean that much, yes. that much.

cya(:

2005-09-02T00:39:00.000+08:00

Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me cry?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

i miss you darling <3

2005-09-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

photos(:

CRAPS.

mugging trigo.

uhhuh love counsellor conducting crash course for noobs HAHA.

chong and chias(: BITE.

chias and shern at mos(:

chias and yani<3

sps 6/1'02!

sps 6/1'02 guys(:

sps 6/1'02 girls(:

chias and huiyi! crazy woman i miss her.

chias and pearl(:

2005-09-01T21:57:00.000+08:00

escapism.

no more subway! mos burger is our new playground(: well, free drinks and more sauces, who wouldnt want? HAHA. oh well, we've been sitting at mos for such long hours our wallets are growing moss and so are we. mos burger is expensive.

yes i started revising my sec3 chinese words for olvl already! there aint no much time left man..

HAHAA im watching the video i took, with shane and chong in it. it was super funny. shane was like the love counsellor or something? professional one too. and they were discussing about some stuffs. comical (x

im already in holiday mood(:
nights!

2005-09-01T13:53:00.000+08:00

im sick of it too.

dangs. i feel kinda cheated in one way or another.

i think today i gotta give packing my room a miss. got jio-ed to go out to study and according to those people, im one very important person so i gotta be there. HAHA.

therefore, to my dear very messy room, you wont be history until another few days more(:

woolalas. im out! cya.

2005-09-01T11:05:00.000+08:00

fancy getting irritated at those slight stuffs. maybe thats just one symptom of my monthly pms har-har-har.

i've got no date today! but i want to go out. SHERN LIM, PLEASE TELL ME IF TONIGHT IS ON. i need to pack (x

anyway, im staying home to clear the mess in my room. sparkling clean! x) yayness. okay. so i shall contain my shopping frenzy and stay home FIRST, anything can talk later hahaha.

1. friend, i miss you. will the time even come or it's gonna be like that forever? i miss you la. i know you're happy now, so im happy for you too(:

2. les mate(: kidding. i love you la! i promise im gonna evoke the womanism in you. HAHA. thanks for all the buddyness and love and listening ears you've provided. all the shopping in girl shops, all the mealtimes, all the fun...all the best for this time as you're going through your tao2 hua1 jie2? LOL. so attractive, just like your good friend here. HAHA.

3. good friend! 3 years(: -whacks your butt- my good buddy always man. always there 24/7 to pick up my calls. not in the same class but that doesnt bother us yeah? the CCs forever [:

4. secret friend. yayaya, i know you wont leak out. neither will i. but your crush is damn long la. i can fight with you HAHAH =x

5. the always-never-study-amaths friend. HEY. sweetness. card. aw! your smile like never die one la. sweet friend!!!

6. stupid girl. only know how to disturb me everytime. i can disturb you back. anymore slapping of thighhhhssss (:(:

7. piku buddy. i know you've been always trying to help. thanks for everything(: thats what i can only say for now.

(:

save me from this place
heaven knows im falling
for you my sweet embrace
heaven knows
heaven knows i've been waiting for you

2005-08-31T23:49:00.000+08:00

a cold, calloused heart.
random.

feeling normal. normal to all that's happening now. ha. oh well, thank God for bryan la. he's always the best budd around(:

btw, dont cheat me. dont say "iloveyou" for the niceness of it. i dont need it. if you dont mean it, dont say it. its no longer the i-feel-cheated kind of feeling. it's smth that tells me, what kind of friend i mean to you. i dont give a damn about it already la okay?

im still in that mode of depression ah. YES. sentosa. beaching will do the job(: cant wait to hit the sand with my girls!

went back to sps today. so many teachers retired all the young ones left. but hung out with the 6/1 gang(: cool. the good old times.

my joy doesnt depend on what the circumstances are. but you know, its hard? when circumstances dont allow it. i can smile it off and hide it well; im strong, strong on the outside maybe. inside? breaking. pain. actually, im kind of happy. i've got the technique of hiding everything heh. good. maybe its time to let go. nobody will care anyway. ha. and i dont deserve that kind of grace i should get. la.

shopshop with shern today. she came to pick me from kinokuniya where yani and gang were present. when yani saw shern and i walking out together, she shouted out to me and said
"eh you les ah?"
in a very sincere tone, i said "yah."
she gave the most unbelievable look ever but anyway i just walked off. HAHA. =x oh well.

oh yah. last one.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIDI! its 0000 of 1st sep now. your bday's just over. i know you read this, so finish reading please tag haha. privileged to have a brother like you, its been great joy knowing you. whatever it is, storm or rain, will pass soon. you promised you will smile (: takecare and God bless!

nights.

2005-08-30T22:25:00.000+08:00

ha.

terrible. horrible. eh, i've got limited vocab. I CANT TYPE ALOT. pff.

lala.

2005-08-30T19:01:00.000+08:00

im in depression mode. i told ario (uh huh, I LOVE YOU LA) that i felt like a total ***** today.

i dont care what you want to do already. i think, i've been trying to care and help you so much that i've clean forgotten about myself. i think i've been so unfair to myself. its a bit sad. how many times i felt no one was on my side? my life never depended on just one person. i've been thinking alot, because of doing all these shitty stuffs i lost it. im going to take back my life and live like how i should. whichever way you choose, whatever you feel like doing, go ahead. you think nobody cares? you're disappointed with me? go ahead. i cant care much already. that's what you choose to. say im selfish, self-centered, whatever. im so sad for myself sometimes. life signifies only my existance. im finding my way back. so sorry, i cant balance on both sides. your side and my side. since you dont even bother about yourself, why should i? im taking my life back. there's a limit to what people can do, i cant please you in every aspect. whatever i did, i forgot about myself. i forgot that i have my own needs. i forgot that i needed someone else to listen to me too. i am a human living, a girl, a student, i have my own freedom. dont depend on me. dont depend on people. God is your answer. unconditional love, patience and forgiveness.
though, i'll still love you like how a friend does. what i want to say is just, you choose wherever you want to go la okay?

too many things going on recently. im confused, at a loss of what to do, confused yet again. haha. oh well. maybe i should just do what i feel like doing. saves a lot of trouble.

so together but so broken up inside.

2005-08-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

mom decided that she would get me that bag i've been longing for.
that is, IF..... mwhahahah =x

just now there was this DAMN COCKROACH in my room. without warning it flew and landed on me YUCKS. i jumped and screamed and ran around like an insane crazy woman and nearly ripped my pyjamas spoil cos i was afraid it was clinging on to my clothes =/ thank God for dads though. they're just so super x)

HAHA. im super high now. x)x) YAY !

2005-08-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

a Father. a Saviour. a Friend.

ask me sometimes i may not be doing very well. but i always feel and know that i am very blessed to know Him and be so close to Him- His child. sometimes i feel lonely and afraid, but there's this unexplainable peace that never runs away from me. that's how comforting, how beautiful, how real His love and presence in my life is. unworthy and undeserving and yet He chose to remain by my side. drifting off halfway through the journey sometimes, but yet i know my identity doesnt change. His child. lovely.

uh huh, my comp crashed. but there's this thing in the house called "my brother's computer" hehe. and to ah gor: little sisters are like angels God sent x) just remember the sakae treat. HAHA =x

today was super slacky. amaths test postponed to friday yahoo! but yeah, still need to study for trigo anyway. mdm tan didnt come, neither did laowang, and there was creative arts. altogether that makes up about 4 periods out of the 6 periods we had today. x)

im kinda happy but not happy today. ironic but yeah thats what im feeling. something lovely happened today i cant ask for more (:

i love eunice. i love edna. i love jenna. i love pearlyn. i love them all! <3

time to hit the books.

2005-08-28T20:08:00.000+08:00

chocolates make you high. it's always good to have a box by you when you're studying amaths. helps alot. esp royce champagne chocs. HAHA. =x

shopping is good. everyone should start shopping. -starts chanting-

trigonometry is fun but chialing is nuts at that subject. raises my white flag.

studying is healthy. good girls and boys should be hardworking and start working on those dust-accumulated ten year series.

my comp crashed and that might be timely cos i want to study.

"beautiful world" is not an oxymoron. i choose the beautiful things in my life [:

sundays are always filled with double asses. Sleeping and Slacking. and i dont like =/ but i cant help! ><

lastly,
life is good. uhuh. (:

(*one more week to holidays and sentosa! hehe)

2005-08-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

comp crashed.

feeling abit wrong somehow. ha.

gnite.

2005-08-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

angels brought me here.

i totally love this song to bits and pieces.

2005-08-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

im so prone to injuries. i THINK i sprained my shoulder yesterday. because today my shoulder felt so weird like the nerve's gonna drop out anytime. i think the nerve is injured too cos the pain is spreading! -patpat-

i feel so accomplished today. I FINISHED MY TRIGO GRAPH HOMEWORK! yayness! i think trigo is the topic i can best do well in. stayed at mos burger whole day with shern. im nice i accompanied her to see someone + study together. had fun and stupidity (?) stupid things happened la. lol.

hmm. tomorrow's friday. end of schoolweek! YAY! one more week to holidays (: cant wait.
my mind's shutting down. im so tired. >< but i've still homework undone. uh.

we shared; we loved; sweet memories are meant to be kept somewhere inside.
im selfish, i wont share these memories.

2005-08-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

i reallyreallyreally miss you.
can you feel me?

you always said yes.

2005-08-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

i think extreme people who go all the way to support their whatever superstar thing, have no life. i mean, the extremists. totally waste of money and time.
sorry, that's a personal opinion.

im feeling kind of cranky today. tried to study despite the fact that i was tired. finished emaths homework and i have amaths trigo Ex8C, 8D, 8E, 8F, 8G, and review problems8 to do. HAHA pearly's forcing me to be disciplined and finish all! okay, i will. by next monday what... =x

maybe this week not so beautiful. but life is still beautiful ya shern? because in your life there're beautiful people around like me. grins. kidding.

i miss you friend. i took out that lovely present. i remember that lovely day. lovely friend. i miss you. give me a chance; the promises we made. i'll never forget the day, you went away. but im still confused; screaming thoughts. what actually happened? maybe nothing happened, im just being too exaggerated and sensitive. but friend, things are not the same anymore i can see. maybe they'll never be the same again. i never would have the courage to ask you. time doesnt heal anything i fully know. it's not just a normal friendship, its a special friendship. if you've found another friend, good for you. im truly happy for you. thank you for the 6months we shared. it was beautiful. and friend, i still love you.

sentimental =/

2005-08-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

the world aint beautiful at all. =/

dumbo. am on the phone with dearie amanda and at the same time im down with a super bad stomachache. we're gossipping =x okay what else can you do over phonecalls? nah. talking about some "real" stuffs. sian.
the world is really not beautiful. suddenly everything seems so gloomy. is this what you call lovehate relationship? i dont like oxymorons.

gah.
my tummy's killing me.

2005-08-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

little superhero girl.
corrinne may is good yayness.

watched passion of the christ today during caregroup. yeah sure no wonder its m18 i watched the part where Jesus was crucified and i cried >< it feels painful but well more like i knew "it was you and me He had in mind on the road to Calvary"; beautiful Son of God.

God is good amen? His grace is overflowing haha i actually had no emaths lesson yesterday and today. peggy yap's absent from school =x well i didnt do her work but there's her lesson tomorrow so im going to complete the darn graphs. and im starting to like amaths trigo but it's a little too complicated for chialing.
sine cosine tangent cotangent secant cosecant WHY SO COMPLICATED?? who discovered trigo grrrr.

(: nostalgia. my lovely friend, loveyou.

im craving for volleyball suddenly hoho. x)
tatas~!

2005-08-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

-SNEEZES VIOLENTLY and sends accumulated dust fluttering around the room-

im sick. thanks for contributions of tissue coming in from all directions. my nose feels like its dropping off already boingboing. i felt like killing myself for not studying for my chinese test cos i thought half of the paper was 2 comprehensions! laowang cheated my feelings urgh.

2 more weeks to sept short break.
cheers i have no more tissue packs at home ><

~~beautiful<3~~
i take the same bus, i sit back our lovely always-sit-there-together place. i recall the past. i look at the gifts i cherish so much. i love the letters you wrote. i miss you oh boy,
maybe beautiful things are short. they just end like this. i treasure what we shared. it's somewhere inside of me. it's just undeniable; you're my beautiful disaster. if it had never felt that way, im telling you this, you're in my heart. if anytime anyhow in the future you need somebody, i'll be there. because, you mean so much. love no matter what. 02052005.

2005-08-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

tried to keep myself from blogger but i think im addicted to blogging. mind you, addicted to blogging, not to internet. i dont surf other websites for goodness sake.

i think im getting a hang from shopping. i've decided on a list of wants and desires. i should start investing my money in really quality stuff eh. ahla shopping is such a great activity everyone should start going shopping! might be starting a secret fund for the rival's product if creativezenny gives me the last moodswing that'll be it.

ok, im talking about spending a lot but thank God reality isnt like that. slap.

water baptism today im really happy for those who decided to marry God. HAHA. nah this isnt your meteor garden or what winter sonata fantasy love story this is real. real love from a real God<3 well thats because i know it i felt it i am really happy for them!

okay. zonk time. piece of good news i left my graph papers in class so i didnt do emaths homework. grilling time tmr pray hard i'll get back in one whole piece lala.

2005-08-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

service was awesome. praise was high, worship was ministering. i always love to throw myself into the presence of God and let Him fill me up. "more of you" will hit my top10s playlist for a long time i guess.
shinn came today(: i hope i'll see you for more services next time aye?
mingxin and rachelko are cool though i got abit shaken afterward when she showed her true colours HAHA it wasnt on purpose though.

we saw zoe tay and apinun was amazing.
chialing: who likes zoetay?
-numerous shot up hands including api-
chialing: she's in the toilet.
-whole eastb+half of eastc+ 1/4 of eastd swarmed into female toilet of starhub uhhuh trust me, the guys tried to go in. and it was a comical sight-
(this scene includes api standing up half-screaming away and very excitedly following the crowd but after a distance he stops in front of me and looked at them instead)
chialing: you dont wanna see zoe?
api: er. who is zoe tay ah?
...SCREAMS. >< life is entertaining. yes.

..retail therapy?
haha.

mango is my revelation today. zara's another one. thanks la wynnie i will never forget about your instinctive reaction of "yayaya-ing" and the secret crush. ripcurl and roxy are nonos for me already except maybe for a few wallets and bags. i choose billabong instead x) okok, no more shopping. tmr chialing-study-day. coffee at starbucks at night is good with a slice of oreo cheesecake its even heavenly. lovely saturday evenings are for relaxation. sundays are for studying. yay.

yeah...indeed my father looks good even though he's old. so is my fashion mama. oh well, i love my mom and dad la. lol.

goodnight (:

2005-08-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

im feeling kind of nosey today, like typical singaporean kaypo aunty eavesdropping on conversations. rather im digging deep into friendster -lets out an evil laughter- interesting reads are testimonials what dumb things people write about people. im feeling the stress on my eyelids though. i feel sleepy zzz. and my throat is crazy. i hope my either voice goes or comes back soon. it feels weird being the in between got-voice-no-voice kind.

i want sajc! but then again, little miss petts here wants to aim higher. and the irony is sajc dance appeals to me gaaa. and i heard not very nice things from seniors in sajc. well... i like that school the uniform the dance society everything. and it's moving into the new campus soon aint it!! ...i think about getting good grades for secthree first.

time flies pretty fast. i just realised end year exams are in less than 2-3 months FREAKY. time to start revision! and i've got plans to improve on my english, no its not motivation from mrs lim/soonsuetpeng thank you very much. so, shall draw up a plan for revision. chialing's gonna be a good girl (: yayyee. well actually, i just wanna do well for end years then enjoy the holidays. i dont wanna have any regrets you see. i've got plans for my holidays ><

priority 0.5/olvl chinese 1/amaths 2/physics 3/biology 4/emaths 5/hcl 6/geography 7/ss 8/english 9/chemistry because chemistry is the only subject i can do well. nevertheless i just passed my mole concept test2 but i got full for test1 CHEERS! tanengchiu made amaths hell for me at the starting of the year and now she passed the baton on to peggy yap oh well. i wont make hell for them. i'll show them i can make heaven with a+emaths. coolgirl2005 la. okay no time to boast here it's not boasting actually i just feel cranky. (oh yes. L1R5, diedie must below 15. AT LEAST LA. i got 21 for midyears =/)

this is bad what a long nonsensical post.

goodnight readers! x)

2005-08-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

life is beautiful?
uh huh, life is beautiful.

i love <3<3<3

i love pherd! because she's always there for me.
i love xiaoario(: because she's my ke_ai xiaomeimei bestie.
i love nana because she's go so gentle.
i love nehneh because her jokes are lame.
i love xiaopearl even though she bullies me.
i love joruth because she's so sweet.
i love chessia because she hails from hongkong(some say india).
i love kel because she's got beautiful legs.
i love shiwei because she has cute braces.
i love xiaorin because she's SUPER CUTE! x)
i love xiaoman because i pei-ed her get punished by mr soon.
i love mabel because she lends her ears.
i love joy because she's joyful!
i love bryan because he's pikubuddy.
i love didi because he's a fellow barbarian.
i love valentino because he's loving(:
i love small dennis because he's PAPA.
i love junwei because he's dumb.
i love aloy because he's my son. TLC!
i love chongyeow because he likes starwars m&ms too.
i love jasons because we papaya dance.
i love bingliangs because he is lingaliang.
i love big dennis because he's a man of God.

i love my gor because i love my gor!
i love wynnie because she's like a big sister to me.
i love AJ1! because we're the AJ sisters.
i love joel because he treats me ice cream HAHA.
i love ceph because he is peter and im petts.

i love eunice because she's my good recess/lunch/volley-kaki.
i love jenna because she's my beautiful disaster.
i love pearlyn because she counts down to lessons with me!
i love melvin because he's my xiaomingxiaohua haopengyou.
i love chirps because she's my seat partner.
i love zhiyu because he's crappy.
i love shawn because he takes care of the class!
i love edna because she's got lame genes in her.
i love woonhwee because she pokes me!
i love shiyun because i poke her.
i love kewei because he's quite nice actually.
i love chunni!! he's cute!

i love amanda because i share secrets with her psst.
i love calista because she's naima<3
i love xinxin because she's my star!
i love melissa because she teaches me to dance.
i love geokky because she's my jie.
i love peu because we are the spastic sisters!

i love charlene because she's in my heart.
i love qinyi because we tuition together (idontlovealfred)
i love kahtai because he's my monk.
i love benji because he's boing and bom!
i love revvo because i never forgot he's gorchimpanzeela.

I love God for who He is and how He has placed all these people in my life(:
There's so much blessings, so many more beautiful things in my life that I dont remember the sad ones.
Don't look at the closed door so much so that we've missed the open door.

cheerios! (:

2005-08-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling sick.
Nauseous, coughcough, sneezesneeze...
Yes, I'm physically sick not psychologically/mentally/emotionally sick. thank you =D

Yeowch. My mom just screamed at me for lying to her that I had my dinner. Well, I had it! I ate muahchee =x at Chinatown. hehe.

Alright. With You I'll be able to take whatever that's coming along. Just shoot man, devil! x)

Shern and Pearl's ignoring me. NO please, no extended weeks because your piaoliang xiaomeimei friend here will cry :(

Walked home through the field just now. Was singing "You Are" and talking to God. Hoho, it feels super... refreshing? That song is nice(: caregroup tomorrow! yay.

I'm still feeling sick. gaa.

2005-08-16T18:56:00.000+08:00

hmm.. (:

Time for reflection and change of attitude :D
Realised that everytime I sit down to spend time with God, first thing that comes to my mind would be people and problems and then I'll end up asking God to meet my needs rather than to spend time with Him. No wonder.. I haven't been feeling God for a while. I want to change my attitude, instead of everytime expecting something from Him, I should just be still and soak in His presence, then His voice will be so much more clearer.

Did that just now, but fell asleep halfway =x I was too tired. Anyway, thanks wynnie!

Another thing I learnt? God's voice doesn't always BOOM down on us. okay, haha.

Oh yes. Finished all my assignments last night. No, emaths assignments. I am so proud of myself HAHA. Oh well, what I dont like is, everytime I do her work she doesn't check. Everytime I don't do, she checks. grr.

Somethings just ain't going right. Maybe you know it, I know it. I dont think we can change it back yeah? There's pride, there's awkwardness. I don't know what else you call it. I know it was my fault initially. What about now? I feel the hurt, do you? I treasure the friendship alot. It can never be the same again...? =/

btw, no im not stumbled. LALALA. dont worry you're seeing strong and firm chialing grownup girl here! woohoo.

2005-08-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

living a life worthy of Your calling.

God is good, I said (=

I am staying on no matter what, I will choose to stay on even if nobody does. Yeah, I'm not going to make a decision depending on people around me. Not worth it! When God works, God really works. I'm happy =D It hasn't been all easy, I must say. Let's pick up from here, broken, shattered pieces. Let's pick it all up. God, I'm trusting You.

For more details, refer to Pauline's or Ario's blog. I'm very encouraged and enlightened.

Yay! I'll be sitting in front from tomorrow onwards. I'm happy la. Sitting behind totally sucks certain times. Can't see, somemore Chun Kiat has a big head that blocks my view almost every time. (not forgetting I'm not the very tall kind)

Okay. Back to emaths. I'll finish my work tonight. YAY!

2005-08-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

It's not yet over, but I'm alright (=

Aye, I'm blogging a lot lately. I think I said this before, but I'll say it again.
I totally love Blogger! It's like my good friend -pats the window- Well, sometimes there's just no way I can express certain feelings, maybe to only keep it to myself. Then aha, Blogger comes in handy. I dont tell it everything too, but at least I have a place to express myself (X

Hmm. Seriously, I'm thinking of not going to school again. This is crazy, but nah, I'll be in school tomorrow. Then again, gotta see Peggy Yap and her nonsense. Now, I find that she's worst than the amaths woman hur. Gotta be salt and light. Thus, my main aim tonight will be to finish all my homework! Haha. I dont understand a lot of things, but guess I'll be okay pretty soon.

Ciaos (;

2005-08-14T12:38:00.000+08:00

I'm not dumb.
I feel it.

Oh God. Why?

I'm quite flustered now. Thinking a lot, guess I should prepare myself for certain things. Many images flashing through my mind right now, a signal that I'm really preparing myself for something big.

Bad Sunday. The weather's threatening to rain. I've got homework to do. I feel a bit wrong somewhere. I'm feeling physically sick. I feel like getting out of the house going somewhere but I dont know where.

okay. okay. cool down (: Everything's gonna be alright!

2005-08-14T00:25:00.000+08:00

i totally fell in love with the hongkong delegates. haha! they're cute people. interesting, they're gonna start a youth service in hongkong next year. yayness!

service was good, well, at least to me. the best i ever had in weeks ><
oh. i super like the part where winstar said "when you have the heart, God will back you up." super zai man!
hmm.. have a few things in mind that i want to do (: shall plan them out properly tomorrow.

at night, we went for ~~retreat~~ outing. haha, it was supposed to be that we were gonna try the best food around in geylang. ended up we had taow huays and more taow huays =.= ah. the rochore beancurd stall is nice!

oh well. tonight, everything will go on fine.
God is here, He is.

2005-08-13T01:44:00.000+08:00

had a fruitful talk with ceph today. about pure heart, about being accountable for sheep etc. learnt alot, time to apply them woohoo.

and..
nono, no insecurity ><
haha no way, get out of the way you poker devil!
oh well. im still scared. but who cares?
SUPERNATURAL WEAPONS! hoho.

oh well. bedtime! x)
i feel cranky.

2005-08-12T14:53:00.000+08:00

im surprisingly online at this time. didnt attend school today (:
take a break, i would say.
at least didnt have to see emaths woman teacher today. she gets on my nerve i dont know why she loves to pick on me. hur.

refresh. WOG.
A breakthrough comes when you take a new look at your life - a long, loving look at where you are stuck and whether you are prepared to hear God's voice say to you: "hang on tight, you are about to come unstuck". -Pastor Ben

hmmm (: about to come unstuck.

i felt better yesterday. better as in not because i felt more loved or my mood swung back up high, but because the knowledge that God's still around no matter what struck me hard. i mean, i knew that all along, just too blind and stubborn to know it in my heart. i read kim's blog, i saw her entry about the vision she received, i am inspired and touched at the same time.

stumble into Your presence like a child once again. no, not familiarity. You are new everyday, Your love is new everyday. let me experience You like never before. (: Daddy rocks! God rocks and rule, hanyew? haha.

2005-08-11T14:48:00.000+08:00

thinking alot.
whats the big deal about emotions, you may ask?
well, there's a whole great deal about it. when it's negative, you'll see how you plunge into a near-depression state. haha.

as i said, thought alot. time to fight, win, then learn from this situation. i realised everytime i feel this way, my moods will rollercoaster back once into cloud nine and i'll stay there for sometime. then before i know it, it'll plunge down into hell again. and it seems like everytime the situation is different, everytime its worst than before. if i dont pass now, God will throw this test in my face again. i better do it. consistency. breakthrough. ahh.

supernatural weapons that nobody can destroy.

so awesome is Your love
You sacrificed Your son
amazing love reached out to me
with joy to You i come
this song kept coming into my mind today. trying to tell me something eh Dad?

2005-08-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

ecg (:

cycled today. too much lactic acid produced im feeling the "sourness" haha. bryan fetched. kinda funny, but at least he's quite stable for a first time. fun. kyuubi. cute. brought him for a walk. and shern dont anyhow say thing >< im stumbled okay and anyway it isnt true.

nostalgia. had this strong urge to cry out everything. but the moment i sat at the beach the waves and evening breeze and everything was just so soothing i lost that feeling. wellwell, i simply love the beach<3 i miss palawan =/

NOSTALGIA. my word. haha im stressed gah. i miss certain things la.

things would get better.

2005-08-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

nowadays i'm blogging alot.
either im very bored, or i've got something interesting. in this case, its none. i just need to use blogger as an avenue to vent my frustrations. but i've got limited vocabulary and i remember that this is a public online diary.

well... =/ had family gathering just now, but guess that'll be the last one i'll ever go except during major celebrations. to me, IT SUCKED. nothing much, but i dont feel family to ANYONE of them. whats the point? go there, be like the invisible wind, fly around, take some food when im hungry. it felt so good when i walked out of the place, pulling mom and dad along and dao-ed everyone along the way.

sometimes i think im a strong girl HAHA. there's so much internal struggles going on. there's like no major problem with me im very fine thank you because i know whats wrong with myself. and please dont show care or concern because i wont feel it anyway. im very grateful for those few who stick with me and really show love through these kind of down times and i feel like im such a trouble to them but its okay, they love me and yes i love them too. my pretty girlfriends/sister(: btw shern your daddy rocks. but im not taking him for granted. so yeah, no more car rides from him its so paiseh and troubling. thanks anyway. loveyou<3

you know why? cos i feel cheated. so many times when i thought people cared, the subject was actually linked back to someone else (if you know what im talking about). dont show me love or concern or whatever. i wont feel it. oh yeah right. as if anyone would try to show love. HAHA. this is no self consolation.

2005-08-09T12:33:00.000+08:00

I'm satisfied after a good sleep! (= Went to bed by 12 last night, and I'm quite refreshed now.

Had the joggathon yesterday. Ario and I walked slowly to enjoy the breeze. Positioned 129 and 128 respectively. Jo was the best, she cheated the teacher >< Hoho. After all ended, went to have lunch at Sakae with Benji, Adeline, Pearlyn, Junhong, Joshua, Kitty and Pattra. Had fun and a lot of laughters (x

I almost dieded at Bugis, so sent Benji to PS then I cabbed home. malu.... the cabby had to scream at me to get up to give the directions =x

Went to crash 3DL's bbq. well, I was there for something else; to protect my beloved sister haha! Oh well =x I tried to make some chilli sauce, and i HOPE it turned out alright for those who ate it. Too spicy only, right? The night was pretty, went to have a stroll with Ario and enjoy the evening (: cool. Anyway, it's super funny listening to Ario and Her Encounters. Haha!

Shern's Dad sent me home. Oh man, both Ario and I were dead by the time we hopped into the car. That's how tired we were. One night of not sleeping ><

Ciaos (;

2005-08-08T01:58:00.000+08:00

I'm desperate for You.
I'm lost without You.

went for festival of praise =) thank God for good and faithful and helpful servant aloy who went to queue at 12. anyway, the sun was mean. we were dripping like overflowing reservoir.

God feels so distant. =/
but well, i am ministered by the teaching from Colin Dye. our weapons are supernatural and absolutely nothing can destroy them. i love the way he said "dont argue, pray." x) im not going to shut myself out anymore; i need time though.

Darlene is cool. and the funny reverend prounounced Delirious as "Hilarious". HAHA.
but all in all, everything was cool. over hundreds received Christ, i was very touched by what God is doing in Singapore(: the whole indoor stadium was filled with people worshipping Him, all races, all colours, from everywhere. sigh.. im in awe. but =/

now the gang is over at my house. lets see.
shern's standing behind me and she STOLE MY WINNIE THE POOH NIGHTDRESS. so i gotta wear the PREGNANT LADY dress (according to diqiang).
mabels reading my bible.
aloy is playing with mabel's phone.
and that pok didi is hugging my bolster and pillow and burying himself in my bed. shern just whacked him. x) KUDOS TO SHERN!

"if u dun repent and trust in Christ,u'll DIE."-small guy Harry, Colin Dye's team guy who spoke to the chief of a voodoo village, and shern just repeated it (=

nights.

2005-08-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

im updating regularly (:

nothing much today.
ran out halfway through service.
sometimes its good to let go a little, but the stairs at cuppage isnt really a nice place. thank God for Joy too.

dont really feel anything much. pretty good thing, isnt it?

the problem lies with me, but the love doesnt.

anyway, happy birthday to dennis and thanks joel for the icecream and also junwei, your simple sharing enlightened me on certain stuffs. thanks.

2005-08-05T19:48:00.000+08:00

when.

my parents are out of singapore and im home alone till tuesday. so im home alone now. and my granny's sweet. she cooked me dinner and pack them in this small little container: rice, veggie, egg, meat. a small container, doesnt look very appealing, but i feel so loved <3 i love my granny.

i.

school was bad today. tried to open my ears and eyes and look at tanengchiu and all the trigo crap she was teaching, i just couldnt concentrate! give me a choice, i'd rather drop amaths and concentrate on physics. grr! well, but i was thinking about some other things though. and i love my xiaoming hao peng you! (=

mean.

school's hard, pearlyn agrees too. i mean, the stress is building up. was thinking, if i had some attitude problem towards studies. then i realised, i only have this problem towards physics and amaths. oh well, is it the teacher, or the subject, or i simply have no interest in it? somemore that )#*$&@ lao3wang2 put me right at the last row corner of the class. im starting to hate that place =/ but then again, i love the people there. hehe.

nothing.

but yeah i just love my sweetsweetsweet friend by the name of pearlyn. she's the one who blurs along with me and YAY countdown to end of lesson! x)x) and she's uber sweet. made my day with that little impromptu card. but it was sweet! we're requesting laowang to let us sit infront together.

to.

had dance, tried to dance ALL MY BEST. today was nothing much, but one of the best practices i had: pespired like overflowing reservoir and i enjoyed it. one reason i totally love dance is because, when i dance, i remember nothing but dance steps, i concentrate on nothing but the dance, i feel nothing but the music. it was good and calista sort of encouraged me to dance everything out >< gee. it sure felt a lot better.

you.

no school til wednesday. and i thought it was gonna be a good break. -flips open notebook- so see, ive got physics test on temperature, chemistry test on mole calculation (!!!), chinese test on sec2b words, emaths quadratic graphs test (is it quadratic graphs?). anyhow, all these are going to happen on the great big day 11th august. school is bad, agree?

at all.

tmr's saturday. chill out day, service day, not gonna think too much anymore(:
sunday, rest day? beach? FOP(:
monday, ROCKING DAY. joggathonn (weird name ambert khoo suggests), then hangout with bombom.
tuesday, ??
wednesday, ecg(=

it leaves a question mark in me, all over.

2005-08-04T19:53:00.000+08:00

who are we to have the right to correct anyone now when we ourselves, heart is not right? if you are going to give up on me, i dont care; but im not going to give up on anyone. if there's a need to let go, so shall it be. but are we so weak? are we so unstable as to fall so easily? no, we're not.

when im the weakest, you're the strongest.

i'll learn to overcome this emotions in me. it's hard, im coping. in my whole life, how proud i am to say that emotions is not only the thing that's pulling me down. there's other things, which im getting tired of, getting sick of.

but i wont let go. i can make a choice, i'll choose to hold on. i'll choose and try hard enough to do something i dont feel like doing.

when people dont feel loved, is it because im not loving enough? or is it because of something ive done, or is it because their hearts are just not receptive to this love? i do feel rejected by friends, i do feel down, i have my own crazy emo times. just like yesterday? i dont think my life is that good.

when tears want to fall but cant seem to fall, whats that feeling? im not holding, back, neither am i numbed, they just dont fall. this is all pretend. pretence of being strong.

and to all those ive troubled: im sorry, and i wont be a burden to you anymore. because i know i have to overcome this myself. all me.

sigh. give me a clap, im sorting out my thoughts one by one.
amaths test tmr, give me a break. because im gonna fail it one mark by one mark.

i'll cry a bucket of tears, but you're still far.
i miss you.

2005-08-03T23:08:00.000+08:00

overcome.

lets overcome our emotions together. this cannot get a hold over us.

sigh. its hard. its hard.
but then i'll give it a try.
life's like that.
you never try, you never know.

i dont want to be a burden to you.
nor to anyone else.

be it say, ive been woken up. or im doing this because i realised many things tonight. whatever it is, it's like that.

anyways. thanks shern. thanks didi. thanks bryan.

and to YOU.
you are precious. you are loved. dont feel negatively about yourself again. overcome the areas you listed out to me. you can, you will. because we will be overcomers. we will have the victory.

nights (: tonight is kind of very luan4. but yeah, it starts with me. me. me. better get myself right.

nights again.

2005-08-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

the world is ugly.
beyond description.

but heaven is beautiful.
beyond reason.

take me away, God. take me away.

i've had enough of life.
im tired of the world.
im tired of having to face people who are against me.
im tired of having to stand up under the weight of so much.
this is hard. this is indeed hard.
give me wings so that i'll fly, never be back again.
bring me somewhere faraway.
ask me why wouldnt i be fearful.
i was. i am. and i think i still will be.
sometimes, its just too much to bear.
i fear that one day, i might just open my little fantasy storybook and escape into wonderland. i'll run away from reality, from ugliness.
if i had a chance to.

sometimes, its just good to cry. it helps to bring some stress away. tears are beautiful. but numbness takes away tears, takes away my only avenue for cries to run.
and im again fearful. that this numbness will soon overwhelm me.

so much running through my mind. weakness; fragility, break me.

give me a word to describe me now.
it'll be a simple..
im desperate.

find rest my soul.
in Christ alone.
know His power.
in quietness and trust.

why are all the people i want to talk to not here?

if only, you were here.

2005-08-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

love.

today's been such a long long long day =/ not very good too. hurhur.

i think. i somehow freaked ario out during lunchtime but according to her, i didnt. oh whatever, but i dont say those kind of things often you see. haha. and im encouraged by didi! loving brother (= thank God for you! im sure, that person will be very encouraged.

after school, went feifei with the usual hopers + yuqian! had fun there. hoho. somehow, i kinda love to see the super cute reaction pearly has when i make her sit beside bryan. LOL. you know how bryan does things to lame her? =x okay. haha! and i believe, people who went there, people who were feeling down, went home feeling better (= that's the power of God's love shown through His people.

went parkway for shepherding.
hmm, what more can i say? i love ario and pherd la. yeah shern its so cool we're facing the same thing =x but then we gotta overcome this and have a breakthrough together! yayness. it can, it shall, and it will be overcome. we'll conquer our weaknesses, we'll win our tiredness. yeah? im excited. and pherd. you never know how much i love you. the honeywater for my throat, the famous amos cookies (to counter attack honeywater?? HAHA) and the love and care and concern. cool. my pherd rocks.

i realised. it always starts with ME. if there's no personal breakthrough, there's gonna be no public breakthrough. if there's no revival in my own heart, how is it possible to have a revival in the group?! i really must have a breakthrough and revival now. in faithfulness. in consistency with God. in loving people. in my studies.

step out of my comfort zone. when is ecg? TWO MORE DAYS. tmr's tuesday, then wednesday, then thursday already. WHY AM I NOT SEEING ANY SEC1 CONFIRMED? sighsighsigh. tmr, wednesday. i wanna cheong le. its not about the numbers, really. if i really love God and His people, investing time in them is a sure thing, not a see-first thing.

have a minor restructuring in the group. just wanna tell nana and ario if you're reading this! we're gonna support and encourage and push each other on okay! lets help each other out. all for KOG! (= lets reallyreally allow God to grow ourselves and also the group. im waiting.

wellwell. i guess, till the end of the day. it's really up to me already. no matter how much my pherd says, no matter how much advice i receive, its up to me already. what i gonna do, how im gonna pull myself back onto the right track, its all about myself already.

11.55pm. my day will end like that. tmr will be a new day. i look forward.

2005-07-31T12:56:00.000+08:00

physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally worn out. feeling kinda >< recently. gonna get back on track fast. today's a sunday (= hmm.

SHERN AH. PHERD AH. RETREAT AH >< today who's the pok who couldnt wake up? HAHA. rather, who's that pok who self-confessed that she'll oversleep today?

dennis mentioned this thing: revivalcchs44 aint just a number; do we picture what the 44 souls are doing after the project is over? do we have a picture in mind, how these 44 souls are gonna make a blasting impact in the school? or is 44 merely a ~~number~~? think.

so, im gonna complete AMATHS HOMEWORK, CHINESE COMPO, PACK CHINESE FILE, STUDY A BIT OF CHEMISTRY today. personal breakthrough before breakthrough in the whole group. i want a breakthrough! in this this this this this this this and this area. HAHA! =x

saying i love You and i have faith in You aint enough; words and actions must come together.

2005-07-30T01:20:00.000+08:00

how important it is to have a pure heart as we serve.
i was thinking about ecg, working for people, loving people, discipling people etc. and God suddenly reminded me about a pure heart. hmm (=

had ecg practice today x) hoho. at first the piano and singing together was kinda disastrous. then yuqian told me this, to minister to the people, need to sing with not just the mouth, but the heart and the soul. and to get the feel of the music too. after that, it was better (= praise God. ECG's gonna be great, gonna be powerful.

went for discpleship seminar. the speaker was absolutely cool. have a whole new perspective of people helping now (:

if i had a chance, i'll turn shern into a nerd together with me.
if i had a chance, i'll turn justina into a nerd together with me.
if i had a chance, i'll turn mabel into a nerd together with me.

cos something stupid happened just now >< no more buttoning buttons up right to the top =/

2005-07-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

2 words: love and humility.

things may not seem to go as well as everyone thinks they are. but, however tough it is, im glad i have someone to hold on to (=

a few words.

you. i still miss you as much. i still love you as much. although it might be abit brainless to say this now, but i was indeed very happy when i saw you the other day. at least i know you're doing well (= i hope i can hang out with you soon.

you. have things changed? my princess, i still love you as much. im sorry if i had somehow, neglected you. but, you're still my one little princess. ILOVEYOU<3 more hellopandas and carrot cake and iced milo and the rocket sound next time okay? cute.

you. if i had a chance, i would let time turn back, and i wont let all those happen. i guess it somehow, destroyed a beautiful friendship that we could actually share. but well, you're still a friend. a precious friend. and i dont care what others will say. cool dude.

you. what can i say more? x) thank God it WASNT THE SAME GUY. phew. but, i really appreciate your presence around. you always make me feel better. thank God i know you x)

you. i never regretted having you as my darling. someone i can always share things to, and never afraid you'll leak it out. bestest budd, always! and ps. no one can ever take your place. no one.

you. not doing homework, attitude going from bad to worst. i give you until end of this week to get back on track okay? if not i'll slap you. chuachialing, you better get your values right. you better know whats your responsibility. you better be a good salt and light. you better do what you ought to do. you better love people they way they want to be loved. you better be others-centered. if not i'll slam you. GET IT? stupidpok.

2005-07-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

~~IDIOTS.~~

relaxes.

well.

relax.
i need alotalotalot of relaxation.
so many things happening. dangsdangsdangs.

i hope we'll be JUSTIFIED. thats all. you steal today, you go to jail tmr. alright? goodluck.

2005-07-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

let my walk speak loud, and my words be true.

so much happened these 2 days.

oh btw, did i comment on SAJC's dance? IT WAS AWESOME. their dance standard is pretty high. but i got real inspired by their dance items x) are you thinking what im thinking? SAJC is quite a good JC, hor?

oh yesterday.
just like melvin said, i could have just banged myself against the wall. i saw it, yet i could just stupidly walk away and let her do it to herself. what the hell was i thinking at the point in time? im kinda regretful. urgh. i should have done something. i hope i can do something to help her now, but meanwhile, i can only pray =/

and today. mixture of joy and anger. pffff.
had 2.4 today. THANK GOD FOR MY LITTLE LOVING SHEEP (= if not for her giving me a pull and motivating me at the last point, i would have gotten a B. =/ yeah but anyway i was THAT close to a B grade. lol.

then, there's a lot of things i wanna tell this bunch of losers:
YOU PIGS. oink. you've got nothing better to do right. no need study for o levels? you messed with God's people, God will deal with you. IF your class is really grace, then good luck to you alright? you'll sure need alot alot alot of grace.

-cools down-. actually i typed alot. budden, decided to be nice. i wont confirm its YOU, but most likely, ITS YOU. grr.

oh yeah. had dinner with mabel and shern and xieshern and yixiang. cool. got to know mab's classmates at least, they're quite nice people (= but they talk and crap alot. and we warned them, if they dare do anything to mab, lol. shern's gonna do something veryverybad to them! x)

alright. sorry, i think i used quite a lot of singlish tonight. x)

2005-07-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

dance; not just merely actions.
serve; not just merely the name "Christian".

havent been walking closely with God the past few weeks because of being very busy. and somehow, felt a bit >< okay. i am still struggling with tiredness. too much to do and too little time! no, i gotta plan my time well. urgh.

yesterday service...
well, the burden was so great that i actually teared. was revealed to certain things during worship.
are we really looking at our friends with God's contact lenses, or are we merely working cos of numbers? revivalcchs44. the truth is NOT the numbers. we're working for people. we're slogging for non-believers who need God. thru God's eyes, everyone is the same- male or female, sec1 or sec4, popular or unpopular. they need Him. only God can fill up the insecurity in people. not some, not a few, but all,everyone.

sometimes we tend to lose focus; when there's too many things to do, and we forget all about the director of the whole show. i just want to be focused. renew, refresh, recharge everyday. and i guess, i fall into that area many times. just that i was too ignorant. never ever work for myself. never.

revivalcchs44. not just the number, but faces and people behind the number.

I LOVE MY DADDY. (=

oh yes. im not just gonna see the usual few like shern jo chong bry didi chess tmr morning. im gonna see MABEL! yay mabel! welcome! x)x)x) love.

2005-07-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

thank you qians. thank you piku. for being there for me all the time. for being the ones who can always speak into my life.

cant find words to express myself.
if it's a feeling i'll learn to overcome it.
if it's a mentality i'll learn to change it.
if something can be done to it, i will do it.

after pouring out so much, i still cant get it right.

WHY?

God. worship. im coming.

2005-07-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

because of You.

19 july. not a very significant day, but somehow means a lot to me (: 2 years back this day, i gave my life back to Him. and looking back, i would say He has been faithful with every little thing He's promised. my ups and downs; my struggles, my joy, my pain, my sorrow. through every circumstance, He's stood by me. and He's blessed me abundantly. (God doesnt have PMS-es, you know? so if im PMSing, He doesnt get frustrated with me. yay.)

i want to continue serving and loving Him, and His people. with a pure heart <3

x) talk about school today. again, melvin and his lovely and wonderful theory/logic?

why's an atlas called an "atlas"?
because it took a long time for the publishers to compile the whole atlas, so when they finished, they exclaimed "FINALLY! AT LAST!" thus, the book was named, atlas.

and i havent been a good salt and light in class, have i? =( -repents-
i promise i'll pay attention during amaths even if its the MDM TAN i dont really fancy. and stop drawing crap on my graph paper. and stop vandalizing my practice book. and stop daydreaming. and stop copying answers from kangrong =x

OH. today was absolutely a sinful day besides lessons. the chocolate cake ariel brought in during recess was totally... sinful. aww. but it was super delicious. hoho. thank God for ariel, for everyone who came down! (=

and once again to my sheep: happy one year! x)

2005-07-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

12am. ive still got undone homework. yayness?

on a lighter note, i managed to come up with some short stories. please enjoy!

The Adventures of Chikuson and Bualinglong
Episode One: The Phantom Madness in the Playpen

chikuson: bualinglong, why are you so short? -blinkblink-
bualinglong: -bounces- i dont know. ask my mom?

bualinglong: chiku, why do you smell like a papaya?
chikuson: i think my dad had an affair with papayas when he was much younger in yhope?

bualinglong: during my mom's time, there was this song going around.
chikuson: i think i know what. issit "i love you Lord?"
bualinglong: nono! it isnt. it's the same tune. but it goes somethin like "oh ding dong lings, you are so very short. oh ding dong lings, you are a piece of pork..."
chikuson: ??
bualinglong: i think YOUR dad used that to disturb my mom. hmpf! i dont friend you.

next up: the kids go to JB camp!

aww. crazyasses. the 2 kids are uber cute la. will bring in more kids next time (=

2005-07-16T10:20:00.000+08:00

not me, but You.

thank You God.
for loving Your people sososo much. (=

2005-07-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

encouraged.

i was flipping through piles of files and dust to search for my long lost geography worksheet. which obviously i need to hand in tmr.

okay. i really wanna thank God for this person. this wonderful brother who's always been there since donkey months ago when things werent going well.

why mention him? cos i happened to see an encouragement card from him squashed under my geography paper and i got very encouraged x)

sometimes when i feel really down, just gotta walk up to 3courage and find this person. he'll just pop out of nowhere and give me a listening ear. i must say, he's not anyone, he's a brother, a really wonderful brother. someone who's been a great support to his leaders, to the team, and very loving to all of us in the group. God has brought him far, and i believe he'll grow even more.

thank God for you, bryan. great spiritual butt.
no la, great spiritual budd. =)

2005-07-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

i love life.

there's so much thats awaiting, so much to be discovered, so much to be embraced.

if i have a chance, i want to relove all those around me! love, as in really love. by actions, not words. if i have a chance to turn back now and pick up those little bits and pieces of pearls and diamonds i've missed out, definitely i would. what is life without love anyway?

i love life.

therefore i shall tell the inner chialing:
no more frowns at the day ahead when she's gotta pull herself up at 6am.
no more procrastination and laziness in doing homework.
no more shall the horrible history of the bad crush repeat itself hoho.
no more whinings at the sight of timetable and homework. aw.
no more complains at every and anything (ESPECIALLY ORAL EXAM grrrrr *$&%^# teachers!)
no more shows "Tonight with Chialing in front of the computer"

i love life.

i want to embrace life. i want to make everyday count. i treasure this youth, and i want to use every single drop of precious life, every bit of energy i have, for the benefit of others and the Kingdom.

oh how i love life! <3

2005-07-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

(deleted)

just now that blog didnt sound very nice eh.

but anyway, thank God for my sheep >< -phew-
great support, great armour bearer.

PHEW. im relieved at last.

2005-07-11T19:40:00.000+08:00

11 july.
to my dearest dearest charlene.

HEY. you girl. you think i forgot your birthday? HAHA, no i didnt! im just er.. /unprepared/ LOL. anyways, HAPPY 15TH! xD cool. at least we're same now.
hmm.. remember..
how you used me to block you when you were using handphone in class in sec2?
how i tried so hard to explain maths to you =/ ALGEBRA ._.
how the bigbig argument in sec1 turned into a greatgreat friendship in sec2. aww.
how we went all the way from merlion park to sentosa just to chase 5566 ><
how we talked on the phone and shared so many things till latelate night (:
how you taught me the way to volley!?
how you stood up for me when people were against me?
how you were there for me during the times of the bad crush and i was there for you all the same?
how i tried to tie your hair but everything keeps falling off.
how, both of us, from guai1 lil' young innocent girls become pai kias x) LOL.
how we spent this year's valentines together! pizza and garlic bread. haha.
remember how our beautiful friendship stayed pretty and nice through storms?

iloveyou charlene lee ann. though you're in loyalty, and me in modesty, this friendship is one that i treasure a lot. friends always (=

2005-07-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

You are in me.

how many days of the week can we really go to sleep at 11pm in peace, with no worries about homework/schoolwork/cca in mind?

okay maybe me only la.

anyway mabel i lost my inspiration =/ aww.

weekends are getting more interesting but not weekdays. i wonder what the hell amaths is for, why on earth am i studying physics, and what's creative arts for? like DUH, ive got no talents in drama dont wish to develop on that area i just want to continue dancing. crappy school.

im stoning. i dont really know what im typing. but i just feel like crapping.

family gatherings are cool. but when i know what is happening and whats going on, the smile on each and everyone's faces becomes so fake to me. and it doesnt really make sense that ive gotta attend the gatherings and enjoy myself, because seeing the fakeness makes me disgusted and totally have no mood at all. i dont understand, cos its a family afterall. you dig?

alright alright. school is crappy. but i gotta treasure school days and make'em count. because i wanna glorify Him.

=/ not a too good post but yeah. just for tonight. just need a breather. okay.

2005-07-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

by Your wondrous love, by Your amazing grace.

thank God i am better. (= it really makes a difference when im able to pray and seek healing from Him.

yesterday was super uber cool. decided to go shopping with my mother, which i havent done in eons. we went bugis the all time favourite. and i was just passing a remark to go take neoprints. and my mother surprisingly shockingly miraculously "okay lets go!" wooh! so yeah we had LOTS OF FUN in the neoprint machine. it was so cool. i believed my mom enjoyed herself. seeing her happy makes me happy too (: i love my mummy!

today, couldnt attend service cos i had to be a good girl and attend school anniversary. but it was a veryvery fruitful day. had shepherding with jo in the morning, then went for missions 232 meeting, then i left for school. after that in the evening, bryan pearly vanessa and i went for dinner at parkway. i love this kinda time spent together and i believe pearly has opened up sososososo much more and she's attained a new level of immunity to bryan's lameness lol. as for me, im already used to vanessa's usual crap so im okay woohoo.

then we had coreteam meeting at eastcoast. this is really the highlight of the day la. we settled down somewhere at the sandy part and grasspatch there. and we started to pray and worship like nobody's business. heh. but it was so cool! as we worship, we hear the waves crashing in and the breeze coming in. the atmosphere was really romantic! and God's presence was there. awww. had lots of fun together as a team. i believe, this team will grow even much more! in love, in unity, in Christ! x)

spent some time with my sheep as well. i love jolene and pearly lah! (= so loving are they. jolene shared something, which really warmed my heart. and pearly, she gave me $10 after she alighted from the cab so that i could have enough money for next week. x) lovely.

hsiaoen!
hey sister (= im very encouraged by you! you're at orchard, and yet your heart is constantly with your sheep in chungcheng doing sch anniversary. yup i helped you pass the card as well as the drink to sweehong. really, a shepherd's heart. your love and care and concern for your sheep is heartwarming. thank God for you! i love you, <3

pearly!
you have opened up SO MUCH MORE. i praise God for that. thank God for your efforts, in putting in your very best to know more people. ahemahem, band is not an obstacle for you yeah i believe! you have grown. keep the Word close to your heart (= you can do so much more for Him! yay iloveyou! oh yah. keep bryan away lol. and, congrats on being immune to the jokes already. woohoo!

jolene!
hmm.
...know something? i felt very..touched, by what you said at the beach. but, now its not for anyone else, not me not the leaders not the sisters nor the brothers, but God, amen? (:

kelly
not sure if you'll read this. but all the same i wanna say to you. your presence means a lot to us. you're part of this family who loves you. and i know God loves you too (= thank God for you in making an effort down every saturday! hope you did enjoy yourself today while i was away at school listening to boring stuff. lol. i love you too!

revival is here. revival is in our hearts, our school, our families, EVERYWHERE! we want to claim God's promises that our descendants will be many. we want to love God more and MORE!

ladeedum (=
lingling is a nice name, pokpok is a nice name too. HAHA.

goodnight!

2005-07-06T19:29:00.000+08:00

pfff. im still feeling super lousy.
lousier than last night, i think.
and i feel more and more out of place, everywhere, anywhere.
oh well.

whats with me whats with me whats with me?? ):

somehow, my world aint right. thats what i think.
or is it, simply, my heart aint right; my mind aint right; im thinking alot alot now ><. hurhur. ):

WHATS WITH YOU CHIALING!?? =/
-SCREAMS-

... this is crazy.

God?
...i really really need You.

sorry for shooting this post off just with my first few lines. maybe im suffering from depression huh. wellwell, my ankle's still hurting. badly? but i dont care, i'll just let it hurt. maybe it takes some things off my mind with the pain =( see, this is what i call, depression.

oh yeah, just received an sms from my brother! woohoo. at least something that makes me smile lah.

(:(:

okay.

):): off to study.

2005-07-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

oh how many times, have i broken Your heart
but still You forgive, if only i ask
and how many times have You heard me pray;
draw near to me?

i need You.

God is so real in my life.

these few days aint good for me, some things happen here and there. and im frustrated. and i felt really out of place everywhere. truthfully, i felt pretty unloved =/

then some really surprising things happen today. like for no apparent reason people just called me or sent me a msg and "hey, i love you!" 4 simple words, but means a lot. God heard me, He sent people! xD

yeah. and im still thinking a lot about certain things. thank you ceph. he told me, everything will work out good for us as we serve Him. amen.

bloop. im feeling quite lousy now. why ah.

Dad im coming to talk to you! )=

2005-07-04T23:33:00.000+08:00

Your love is sufficient.

im pretty deprived of love lately =/
....nvm about that.

back to topic. today's bbquake was superduper wonderful! had so many visitors down x) got to know some sec1s better. but really regret not spending enough time with certain other people too >< i guess there were just too many people to tend to. but its okay! at least people had fun during games and stuff.

thank God for food committee! preparing all the foodstuff while we were having games(:
also for the games committee! who worked hard to prepare games for the whole lot of 100 over of us YAY!
and most imptly, winstar's comm (okay i dont know what comm is that)- the comm in charge of making sure pits were booked, everything was running well, that things had to be brought were brought. they deserve our applause! xD

best part of the day, i sprained my ankle while volleying with the jc people. lol. i must say, pretty good timing for me to sprain my ankle -shrugs- understand me?

okay, we had more than 60++ visitors down from both cchs guys and girls today x) God is so faithful! opening doors for us! although we didnt really have enough people to spend good time with each and everyone of them, i believe somehow or another, those kids are connected and they had fun. especially the sec1s! rachel and eunice are so childlike think i clicked with them quite nicely =x ferlin and cheryl are the best. i sent them out and they treated me to macs icecream + fries. well, they insisted. nice people, who are very friendly, very open. yayness.

then we had the guys down as well. alot of shern's class guys and bryan's class people + some sec2s boyboy. God is so good, i believe a seed has been planted in some of them ;)

and shern's brother, shawn came down as well. yeah so the story goes like shawn was putting his arms around shern. yiqin was sitting beside them and i think he was pretty stumbled and uncomfortable. so after a veryvery long period of silence, he asked a very stupid question "...how did you all meet?" -.- HAHAH! everyone was like o.O!? lols! but it was pretty dumb- shern and shawn definitely looked like siblings; like chialing and david. HAHA! well, having a brother is super cool la. a having a brother who's cool is another cool thing. ladeedum~

alright. i expect more in the weeks ahead. thank You God for what You've done. revivalCCHS44! -not jan'06, not dec, not nov, but MUCHMUCH SOONER. x) amen!

2005-07-04T02:10:00.000+08:00

its 2.12am on a very dark and early 4th july morning now x)

and i am so excited. because i see God moving and working in cchs! i am so touched, because of 2 saved people! chongyeow and chessia! wonderful people(:

bbq later in the afternoon. 60 confirmed from ed3 and eb1. God is a faithful God! oh man oh man, just settling the food itself just now was so much of a headache already. i think tmr's gonna be worst. but tmr's gonna be great!

yes. can you hear the sound of REVIVAL?!

there's so many things happening now. so many. i cant list them down one by one! God is good, all the time. amen!

and a quote from chongyeow about everything - "KICKASS!" xD

woohoo.

2005-07-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

open up the gates.

REVIVAL. its happening! today was just the very first step we've taken, i really pray that we'll be faithful and follow God and He'll bring us to where He wants us to be!

got to know so many more people through the selling of the candies and henna today. pretty cool! found some really nice sec1 meimeis like clarissa and eunice(: cool dudes la.

true, it's not just numbers. behind those numbers are faces, behind those faces are souls. souls that God love, souls that we love. precious souls.

i am so touched by what God is doing in the chungcheng ministry. through the preparation of the stall and the real selling itself, i could see how God worked through each and everyone of the group. everyone contributed! and a little contribution from everyone counts. like jolene and chessia who are very creative people, they helped by giving ideas for the candies and in decorating the stall. pearly who's got the maths brains, settled all the money stuff. shern and justina who could pull people down to the stall and persuade them to buy hehe! hsiao en who had the henna-talent, lol. yuqian, who could talk and be crazy so tactfully LOL. diqiang who was the only brother there, who tried to attract guys and girls at the same time, to the stall (no wrong motive, his heart is pure before God, hehe). bryan, who took the initiative to organise stuff and make sure things were going well. and even the sisters whose faces we seldom see, took the trouble to pack all the candies for us because they just wanted to do something. and really encouraged by jasmine's simple faith. she said "dont worry, God will help us!"(: and through this whole thing, not only the sisters in eb1 have bonded closer, even together with the brothers as well! and not forgetting, people like chongyeow who were at the stall for both days, supporting and crapping to help us relax a little(:
oh yes! joy jason and yuqians were here, haha. they came to help, to support. yay!

and confirmation for tmr's service is good! REVIVAL. ITS HERE. its here!

God wont add to us, because He'll definitely multiply us! a little background, the chungcheng group started with 3 people. now, it has MULTIPLIED! because of His grace, His love, His compassion! i am sososo convicted. and did i mention before i superly love the song "i could sing of your love forever"? especially the bridge: Lord i feel like dancing, well its foolishness i know. but when the world has seen the light, they will dance with joy, like we're dancing now! its God's promise to us, and we're gonna claim it! yes!

because He loves people so much, because He loves chungcheng people so much! that is why, He is moving. that is why, there's gonna be a great awakening! small people with big hearts for other people! and you know why there's even today? not because of us, but because of Him.

God, its all because of You.

and really wanna encourage the workers(: thank God for ALL OF YOU. sure did work hard! as we run in this race, lets not forget that we're students as well. put God first and take responsibility over our studies, He will surely take care of our other areas, be it wisdom in studying etc. revival is here, let's keep this fire burning wildly and passionately! fill it continually with God's oil!

you know what? i love the girls (and the guys) a lot. i wanna love people MORE. and i reallyreally pray that this love will grow, this burden and compassion for people will grow.
you know why love?
because He loved me first. He showed His love for every single one of us through the cross. oh yes before i forget, click here! a very nice clip somewhat from Max Lucado's "He Chose The Nails" book. enjoy!

so i say, revivalCCHS44. IS NEAR! chungcheng's not very small, but not very big either. God gave us this land, we will conquer it for Him. we CAN do it for Him!

before i go, lastly,
i am very ENCOURAGED by each and everyone. their simple faith in God, simple heart desire for Him. reminds me of how He came for me, how He loved me.

i love You. You're my everything.

goodnight(:

2005-06-30T22:50:00.000+08:00

i'll go on.

a bird left its droppings on my desk today! horror of horrors when i returned from physics lab. i'll never dare to doze off on my desk ever again.

like the rest, im superduper encouraged by fellow bros and sis (X

bryan
you're the best. everything settle with mr quek. whatever it is you're the calmest. and one very loving brother! someone who's grown wiser as you mature in Christ. yay! so proud that you're my brother alright. and yeah, reallyreallyREALLY thank God for you for today, rushing here and there, settling stuff here and there, especially since when you've got cca as well. woohoo! YOU are a blessing to the group! keeping you in my prayers.

jo'ruth
uses your creativity and artistic talent for KOG! if not for you, we wouldnt have thought about the ideas of how to arrange the candies and everything. praise God! can see you serving more and more (= thanks for cheonging to parkway and cheonging back to cheong the stuffs even though you're pretty sick. keep up the excitement and passion, yes!

chessia
THANKS FOR HELPING OUT! for doing all the stuff like sending us lunch and buying the extra sweets for packaging everything. very sweet of you! cant wait to see you at service this coming saturday (:

pearly
yay! thank God for you for helping out to pack everything today. and honestly, im very encouraged by your love and passion for God, and your desire to want to give more to Him. He can use you even greatly if you allow Him to. yes girl, im looking forward to see you join us and get aboard the team.

shern
oh gosh >< without you i dont think i can do the accounts properly. i have deformed maths genes i think. and yeah, thanks for keeping the money everything. you money-faced =x stand there count costprice sellingprice profit so long HEHE. so, lets continue to work hard tmr! last cheong for this stall.

xiaovester, peipei, small jasmine, sweehong, chenyan(=
you girls went to help out today! woohoo. pretty cool! and helped to pack like 100 over containers in such a short time. amen! and yeah, i can see excitement brewing in each of you. lets really make full use of the time and stall tmr!

diqiang
DIDI! =.= okay whatever. anyway im very encouraged by your enthusiasm for people! especially YOUR friends. the desire to see them coming to know Christ. continue to work on them yeah! revivalCCHS44! we'll see it coming to pass!

thank God for wonderful people He's blessed us with. cool dudes! im excited! im encouraged too! im blessed (:

we'll never get tired. for we know why we are doing what we are doing today.
and we'll seek His eternal strength.

2005-06-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

need you by my side.

gonna have a good retreat with God after this friday. im very stressed right now =/

sometimes when you're so convicted of something, being excited and talking about it is easy. but when you really step out and try to do it, you realise that its actually tougher than what you have expected.

for when i am weak, then You are strong.

2005-06-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

because of You i will go.

first day of school and a headache is killing me. chillipadi2 suspects its migraine. i hope not ><

remember romans 10:13-14, REMEMBER!

i am fearful. i am inadequate. many a times these stop me from going all out for people. my heart is burdened; i want this burden translated into actions. school aint a killer; its merely a battle between God and friends + commitments to study. i was more relieved after reading qian's blog, the convo between her and ceph(: God, have Your way, Your will be done.

Psalm 37:4-8
i trust in You.

2005-06-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

i love my team!

let's stay refreshed. battle aint started yet! we're not out on the field yet! school's on but we're still alive and passionate to share our love. we'll do even more, yes!

holidays are gonna be over soon. in fact i look forward to school days. no more rotting. and i look forward to how God's people are going to make an impact in school, how a revival would be. glory to glory, the next revival would be even greater than what was seen(:

i realised i havent really appreciated the people in my team. people whom i really love, really treasure. people who encourage me when im fearful, people who lift me up when im down, people who pray for me when im sick, people who simply lights up my day, people who cheong with me in ministry in studies always, people who God put in my life, for me(: yes. i love all those sisters and brothers who had been there for me. 44 end jan, we're gonna see it come to pass. BREAK 44! xD

love.

2005-06-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

love is not an obligation.
ah, im very blessed by my shepherd(:

note:
much as i love little cute babies, i cant take some little bratty boingboings who are living in their princess/prince's world! URGH. kids, be more lovable and respectful, can??!

was wandering around quite a number of blogs.
the world really is the world. superficial. or would i say, super super superficial.

(how lovely i just deleted a whole 4 paragraphs of words because miss chialings here decided it was too crappy. actually, its not. just that she doesnt know how to link it to her point.)

goodnight.

_ROACHES, I'VE BLOGGED X)_

2005-06-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

God's healing is sufficient.

plus the bitter medicines of course.

okay pray! i hope it aint dengue(: though the doctor suspects so..

and i miss home! ah.

missed my daily because i was so sick.

YUQIAN! SEE THIS! I NEED HELP! =x

limpeedeedum. RANDOMNESS.

2005-06-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

shall be a short and simple post, summarized!

sentosa! beachlife. woohoo.

palawan-ed today. suntanned. carrot cake.

beach volley x)

met godfrey and co. talked to godfrey for quite some time and OH BOY! we do share the same burden PRIANNG -heartbreak- and of course, discovered certain things i didnt expect at all! im encouraged.

and its gonna heal. because, we have faith(:

2005-06-19T01:50:00.000+08:00

when the world has seen the light, they will dance with joy, like we're dancing now (:

i had this very strong feeling about something during worship. and im very convicted of it.

i'll wait for this day to come. and i believe with all my heart it will come to pass!(:

REVIVAL.

2005-06-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

i miss you.

didnt feel like blogging, but there's nowhere i can express myself.

you know, i really miss you. i was reminded when someone asked me about you. i felt so bad, VERY BAD in fact, i know we cant talk like how we used to be able to, calling you my honeypie, and me, your favourite sugarplumpkins. i miss those days. whenever i see your page and your photos, i want to go find you so badly and just give you a tight hug. how are you doing now? i can think of you till tears well up in your eyes. i still remember you waiting for me at PS for almost 2 hours for me to turn up! and yep you sweetly forgave me(: then our shopping sessions too. we always said we wanted to have an afternoon out but we never found time for it. out shopping, coffee, laugh, talk, crap, share, crazying together. and at the downest period last year, i confided in you, and you totally understood it all! your advice, your hug, and a tight squeeze on my hands. and how i love to disturb you till you always and always and always girlishly try to take revenge.

how i miss you. i miss you a lot. i dont think i can say'em all out in words.
but i just miss you. i want you back. can i salvage the relationship? i just hope, we can be like how we were.

i miss you. and i still love you, no matter where you are, what you're doing, how you are.

God :( i miss her.

2005-06-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

You were there, yet i went away.
but when i returned, You were still there, waiting for me.

thank You for Your assurance.

why give me these sisters, Dad? i dont deserve them...
"...because you're my child, and I love you dearly.."

i teared.

i came to this camp, being spiritually dead despite the JB camp just before. i needed a revival. i cried out, but i didnt hear. i cried out, but i didnt see. i cried out but i could not understand! where was He? I quietened down, i made a prayer, i want to hear from Him. i repented; i asked for forgiveness, i asked for strength to overcome certain grey areas in my life, i asked for power and might to overcome any temptations, anything that was hindering me. and finally, i heard. His still, small and sweetest voice ever. thank You.

the past two nights were very ministering. when God moves, God really moves. and i say an AMEN! to that. His ways are so much higher than ours, what we cannot do, He can. there's a limit to our mundane abilities, but He can do so much more, so powerfully. i am refreshed, i am recharged, and im ready to move into the battlefield.

and so i pray, that God would strengthen and see me through as i serve Him. i pray, that the excitement would be sustained within me. this camp wont be just another camp, another emotional high for 3 days, but more, more, MORE! its gonna go on! im not ashamed of Him nor His words J.U.M.P Jesus U Must Proclaim! i made a commitment, a decision. its not a say-say thing, its a desire, its a want, its a promise, its something i want to see happening.

we interceded for the school, we prayed till our temples hurt (YES, shern.) i am superuberuberuberuber EXCITED! eb1+ed3 together, we've got so much potential to grow. let's all grow together, let's all run together in this race, let's see at least a unit in cchs before we leave. but with faith, we'll go beyond a unit! (x

thank God for all the sisters and brothers He blessed me with. the love and care everyone showers on everyone else, LOVE! oh yes, during the mega games i felt pretty sick after running back from all the obstacles. was sitting down to rest when the fake medic apinun came along.

api: (in a very sincere, serious tone) hey if after 30 minutes you still dont feel well come and find me okay.. i give you pen and paper, can start to write your will.
jasmine: YOU VERY BAD LEH. can you be nicer or not?!
api: ok la ok la! if after 30 minutes you still dont feel well come and find me okay, i'll help you....
....i'll help you to write your will.

AHHHHH. crapster! anw, some nice photos (:

thats us (x EASTBEE1!

the unit of bees.

that's half of us. tilted.

this is the ultimate. thank you auntie shern for sweeping the dorm corridors!

dont i look pretty idiotic there? wonder how AJ1 could control her laughter.

wonderful brother + tuition teacher, let me be tall! x)

last but not least, (:

2005-06-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

a gash deepening with time, overwhelming with pain.

tonight aint good.

i need a revival. i WANT a revival.

God.

cancel out tonight and clean it from the pages.

i miss you like crazy. why did you have to leave? why break the covenanted relationship we had? i love you.

2005-06-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

everything for the Kingdom.

back from JB camp! its good. got to bond so much more with the brothers and sisters and yes, a so much more united EAST. (: learnt a lot from the all the teachings. i like pastor PN! he's a super cool dude. shall share what i learnt some other time. a bit of randomness now.

thank God for His healing! i was pretty sick on the first night, was wheezing right till midnight. nice sisters like shern qians joy and poopoo came down to take care of me. and joy took care of me till morning(: thank you joy!

and yeah thanks for everyone who prayed for me! eastb1, dance team.. random random people. thankyou! im so much better now.

yep. and HOPEKIDS are sosososososo cutteee! gosh! -melts-

oh yar. =/ quite taken aback at some remarks by personA towards personB, and thats when i realised i truly love this personB. haiii~ i'll defend personB at all costs okay. i dont care.

nights.

2005-06-09T01:46:00.000+08:00

i need to come back to You.

(: see you all on sunday.

2005-06-08T01:08:00.000+08:00

i choose to be with you.

im shagged! dance practices are xiong these few days; tiring, but fulfilling. its cool to have people sharing the same passion, dancing to the same heartbeat, committed to a vision(:

im really encouraged by the dancers. we have practices up to 11pm recently. everyone's tired and exhausted and pespiration seeps through the shirt! but i see a spirit of excellence. i was very touched by how God can really work through each and everyone of us in simple things like praying for the injured/sick dancers, being patient towards slower learners, to even things like remembering steps! honestly, the taekwondo moves that i remembered, not me, but Him. where to find this kind of sisterly/brotherly love? in this family.

dK: laoda! unable to dance cos jo and me came in. but w/o fail you always encourage us when we're tired. thankyou!
jacq: not dancing, but your patience towards and love and concern for everyone never fails to amaze me. you always seem the wettest with pespiration even though you're merely helping. thank God for you(:
jiali: our very dramatic narrator! thanks for your love and concern for everyone!
shernARIO: MY DARLING WOMAN! best teacher(x thank God for you for being so serving so helpful and so patient. your rewards are in heaven (rmb the colourful clothes? HAHA)
ruisi: bangrah dancer HAHA. danced even while running a fever. im encouraged(:
kimmy: tall giraffe a great tkd teacher! (for kicking my hand =x just kidding) you are so patient man!
fonnis: fonnyPIG! your determined spirit in learning and remembering the steps spreads to me when im too tired to think. thankyou.
alvin: not bad for a non-dancer(: thank God for your willing and never-say-die spirit to learn the steps properly. you'll do well!
eugene: danced till you had a stomachache ouch. great breaker! continue dancing for God!
jasons: PAPAYA i dont know where you disappeared to during practice today. but you work real hard right? i can see. woohoo!
joleneRUTH: heyya! first time being involved so greatly(: im happy for yoU! rest well, draw strength from Him, He'll sustain you. takecare of your injuries too. you dance pretty nicely!
christine: crazy funkay jazz dancer. jiayoujiayou! witty too thanks for the last eight of saturdaynightfever moves you came up with(:
zyann: YES, ZEN MICRO (x haha! very self-sacrificial. always tries to bring energy and joy to others though you yourself are tired.

that makes up our team. JIAYOU!

and one lesson learnt: never dance w/o shoes. my soles are hurting like insanity.

2005-06-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

a distance so long.

HOME SWEET HOME! much to the delight of my darlings(: some people sure missed me alot. i missed them too! (gosh we're talking about a 4-day msia trip here)

quite satisfied with myself, bought MANYMANY stuff, more like we're on a shopping spree heh. anyway, support ORIGINALS please. i settled for really some cheap stuff that looks almost like the original, though material is super laoya pok kind =/

and i got a little sentimental over at KL. was looking out of the window at about 11plus in the night and i saw the faraway lights... and i realised, im very far from singapore. thats when i thought about a lot of people. it was pretty insane.

okay so first day had some laser entractment training at awana. supposedly an obstacle course. one word: FUN.
second day, we went for abseiling in the morning. initially it was at the fake wooden slope at 80ft high and slanted 45degrees. we did forward abseiling. after that we moved on to the real sandy slippery slope at 120ft high and almost vertical at 80degrees. it was quite challenging and tough but all of us managed to make it though(: another FUN.
that night, we had night trekking in the jungle. it was super freaky. we werent supposed to bring torchlights, and we were supposed to have solo camp inside there -shakes- THANK GOD! mr soon felt that there was not enough time for us to cover the whole mountain and also due to safety reasons, he requested for the trainer to turn back and return. so in the end, the girls didnt get to solo camp while some of the guys did. phew.

then the next 2 days we went shopping like crazy. oh the chinatown was downright insane. given my small puny size i was so squeezed OMPFF within the crowds of people, i almost suffocated. butthen THANKS to godfrey who pulled me so hard to get me out of the crowd ._. if not.... LOL. okay.

anw, mr soon is a nice man(: im serious. LOL.

and, i think its time to make a choice. its time. i gotta be wise. i cant let this consume me again and again and again its horribly taking away my life. God! i need you.

2005-06-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

a silent conversation; seemed like the best one ever had
505013(: bittersweet.

my jaw problem is back. i get the cracking sound whenever i move my jaws open and close.

chalet was good. more like princess and i spent the whole time sleeping (x

......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH..................................... im going awana tomorrow already =/

4 days will pass very quickly, according to princess. so im bringing munkay along (: i'll miss YOU; you la if you think you are that YOU. feel so loved that people like jo and shern said they'll miss me! >< -sobs-
and i very much look forward to the bible studying i'll be having with bry during the trip. bringing my sword along! For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. -hebrews 4:12 WOOHOO.

im ONLY free after 16! i'll start studying after i get enough rest, then maybe a bit of relaxation and stuff (:

not by my will, but by Yours.

2005-05-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

everything i need is you.
my beginning my forever.

i frowned at my holiday schedule. the first two days are hectic enough, gotta rush around. and not only that, have to travel all over singapore ._. am quite stressed by it that i even cried in front of the computer.

i backslided in my heart. have i forgotten my first love? have i forgotten the very number one in my life? backslide is not about leaving church, backslide is about loving God less. much as i hate and am unwilling to account, i always cant bring myself to avoid my shepherd (: i accounted somethings and received a bit of rebuking + encouragement + consolation. thank God for my shepherd. how will i do without her? most importantly, thank God for Him. for reminding me about the importance of accounting.

its not about what people can do for me, its about what i can do for people. im bloody sucked in by the busy-ness of my holidays. all the camps, seminars, WFLs, dance practices, even plans for having fun with friends. there are so many stuff to attend to; busy, stressed, hectic, pressured. people have high expectations and demand a lot. im a mere teenage girl in her fifteen, i cant possibly live up to every expectation; i aint perfect, im not a supergirl neither have i supernatural powers. but i dont seek to meet every expectation; as long as ive put in my very best effort, i know ive given it all, as long as i put a smile on His face, its sufficient. one very important lesson i learnt, is to never live to please Man. it all comes to naught. you'll still get kicked off the stage once you make a mistake. afterall, it's not how much im loved by people at the end of the day, it's how much i've loved people that really matters.

its difficult to still give thanks in every circumstance, especially amidst times of trials. but im learning, to look out of the box. not everything is all-good, nor is it all-bad. just take Jesus' cruxification for example. everyone thought it was a very bad thing that Jesus was crucified; satan thought he'd won the battle. but God didnt just let Jesus die and end the story there, He raised Him up on the third day. He conquered death, and satan lost. similarly, im learning to look at things with another perspective, because every storm brings back the rainbow (: the process of God moulding me into who He has intended for me to be.

one thing that always brings comfort to me is that, im not running this race alone. so many other people, so many other obstacles. we're all in it together, the processes might be different, but destination is the same, vision is the same, finishing line is the same. we'll meet each other there (:

and through the storm yet i will praise you,
despite it all, yet i will sing
through good or bad yet i will worship
you remain the same king of kings

its not a say-say thing, its a desire. promise, from me to you and You.

2005-05-28T21:59:00.000+08:00

my passion.
where has my passion gone?

dammit. i regret doing somethings now. can't spend my holidays properly. IM ONLY FREE AFTER 16TH. YAY. sarcasm intended.

i feel like breaking away..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i feel pretty terrible now. where is God? when is He coming back? AHH.

actually,

ya la i dont know whats happening =x

goodnight.

2005-05-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

God i need a break.

2-5 june: awana/kl camp.
7-8 june: class camp.
9-12 june: JB church camp.
14-16 june: highschool church camp.

definitely i'll enjoy the holidays, but then i guess i'll be DARN TIRED. and most probably cheonging my homework on the third and fourth week. SIGH, =/

okay, got back report book today. woke up this morning thinking whether should pon school not, but still went. shouldnt have gone, wasted my whole morning.
and my L1R5 aggregate sucks like crazy. think gonna catch up on a lot a lot during the june holidays. BUT WHERE GOT TIME?

God. i need You. am speechless before You. suddenly again i feel so unworthy undeserving of Your love. and yet, You gave it all for me. sighsighSIGHSIGHsigh.
i dont know what to say i dont know what to say! can't pen my thoughts my feelings down in words. seems so hard, suddenly i feel as if all the words and expressions have come out of me. i just want to be the old me. i saw, i went through, i still see now, and am going through again. there's no end at all. i feel very burdened by many things suddenly. how come at such a time? wa lao sian. there's so much that needs to be done. im seriously at a loss suddenly. maybe i should just hide myself for a few days and do disappearing acts. i love Him. i believe in Him. in fact my faith in Him is such that i cant even believe it myself! but then again faith w/o action is just crap. maybe should just embark on some MAJORBIGBIG project to save myself huh? im crazy. i need more than just this. i need a lot more. GAAAA.

sorry, dont think anyone would ever understand the above paragraph. its all in bits and pieces. my thoughts are a bit jumbled up now and im too tired to sort everything out nicely properly. just.. dont bother about it la. -shrugs-

goodnight. (: off to the Word. my favourite precious darling brown little book. gee.

dont ask me why, dont.

2005-05-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

its more than just a fear =/

i feel pretty weird now. how ah?

why, why?

sigghhh....

2005-05-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

You said, ask and i'll give the nations to you.

hehe. btw, shern thanks for your lollipop and toblerone! toblerone is heaven. and yeah, harvest is near! lets all cheong man. CHEONG for people! JUNE IS COMING. and yeah very much i fell in love with acts 20:24 (: cool.

ah. having a bad throat bad tummy bad back bad muscle aches bad pimple outbreak bad jaw pain. how bad can a pretty wednesday night get! grrr.

i think i got some communication problems with this thai boyboy same age as me. well, dont really understand what he's trying to tell me over msn =/ this goes:

him: hi. you are so fat.
me: ?? hello. huh? why am i fat.
him: is that not true?

._. its okay la i understand that he has some difficulties with the langauge. but then, =/ im trying to figure out what he means by his first statement. boohoohoos.

-coughcough-.

2005-05-25T01:31:00.000+08:00

IM ANTI-SOCIAL.

lala.

go, go away. dont talk to me!

><

yeah, im an angsty little teenage girl going to explode anytime, anyhow.

sorry la, but im realy ANTISOCIAL. i feel so.. sucky now. lol.

okay. goodnite.

2005-05-25T01:11:00.000+08:00

dont let history repeat itself.

"...believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved- you and your household.."
acts 16:31

(ooh i finally found this verse!) i believe (:

much as i have faith in this, ruth! i've got utmost faith that whatever we prayed for, God will give it to us (: thank God for your strong desire in wanting to attend both camps. there will be vacancies! confirm guarantee plus chopchopchop! with God as the mentor. haha.

i think im a good daughter. i reached home at TWELVEFORTYFIVE and still in my oh-so-favourite whitewhite school uniform cos i was waiting for my parents to arrive in singapore..
or rather, i forgot to bring out the house keys and had to wander somewhere else first =/

postponed my tuition to sunday, reason being i missed my stop by quite a veryvery far distance and by the time i reached my aunty's house BY WALKING, i was almost dead. yepyep.

and... there're quite a number of aspiring photographers in eb1, as i can see.
i can never make it with them. just look at the kind of pictures i take! ... ok la maybe is camera's fault x)

packedpackedpackedpackedPACKED hols! goodness goodness. time for planningggg!

2005-05-23T11:11:00.000+08:00

close my eyes and hear'ya say.

message specially for hanyew lows.
hey brother! i came home specially just to retrieve the card for JJJ you know! x)
..................... kidding. be encouraged man cmon!

nice weekend w/o comp. OH HEY GET A LIFE THOSE COMPUTER FREAKS OUT THERE. who am i to be talking this man x). shopping did keep me entertained though (: got a few cheap deals around fareast. 2 shirts and a bracelet and altogether below $50! quite okok la huh. i feel accomplished duddddeeeee~~ and i saw this uber nice bag at a nice grand price of $109, i can forget about it. heh.

surprise surprise! i woke up at 5.50am this morning just to go jogging with my ah ma - greatgreat another big accomplishment: 3 rounds, 90 finger exercises (HAHA!), 20 squats (goodness it sounds so mr soonish), 30 crunches.. and then my ah ma's kakis said im pretty or something lahhh....... okay, hUMiLiTy!! oh and the best part was i went grocery shopping with my ah ma and then the chicken seller asked in a perfect hokkien with some slang: "LE EH CHAR BOR KIA AH? =D=D" (it means, your daughter?) oh cmon i almost dieded on the spot. LOOK PROPERLY MAN im a young teenage girl still (might be) going through active stages of puberty im so short im so innocent i was wearing some op pinky shorts and a shirt with a christian slogan behind and a white hairband and she said IM MY GRANDMA'S DAUGHTER??????????
........ wa lao how can. i feel insulted. pfff.

anyway, i love my ah ma. shall update more when i get back on tuesday. till then, seeya folks! xD

. OH OH OH! tuesday is tomorrow. haha.

bye!

2005-05-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

you.

ah.... home sweet home. how splendidly that "im-home!" feeling overwhelmed me just now. im sososo glad i survived my journey home from tampines, cos i thought on the way home i'll suddenly collapse and then just die off like that =p oh well. i was super tired.

oh btw, coach carter is cool! goodness goodness~ -goes all crazy and foams at the mouth- subway is nice but i dont have BIGMOUTHS like the subway gang so yeah expected- i was the last one to finish and they waited a good 15 minutes or so for me ><

WOOH! im prepared to splurge on clothes (talk about being thrifty and a good steward eh)! ive been seeing nice tees everywhere! ah yes, but their price is as pretty as their design x) and i realise i always pathetically bring very little money when i go on a shopping hunt for clothes. thats brainless. (cmon cmon wheres my AAATTMMMM carddddd~~) well, if i dont get what i ~~want~~ need im gonna regret. YEAH. so, it's prolly worth the money investing in some branded shirt with quality.

mom and dad's outta country this weekend. means i'll be bunking in with my aunt the whole sat-sun-mon. i'll miss my bed. very much. waaaa.

by the way, the terms "highclass ahlian" and "highclass ahbeng" ~~piqued~~ (wrong, according to wynnie, HAHA!) interested me (: haha okay why the sudden interest in'em?! i dont know why. im just curious about the way they behave and how they manage to get themselves their tag of a highclass beng/lian. hmmms...

goodnight!

2005-05-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

im quite into blogging eh.

............ no lah im just bored x)

im pretty bored now. okay i said that already. in fact, im still very bored.

OH. tmr we're back to morning session again. i totally hate days when we have to go school at 1pm then finish at 6pm. ripping off my beautiful afternoons of playing sessions with the girls.

hmmm im very determined on changing my wardrobe and haha! thanks my mommey-image consultant: wynnie! for all the tips. and yes. FaShiOnALiSm~~ lol. meanwhile, time to clear the oh-too-small clothes and the oh-too-kiddish clothes.

alright. off. way to go.

a woman. HOHO.